Without you
by MISCrasyaboutfanfics
Summary: Another one shot based on Dark of the Moon. Sideways' entry in his personal log detailing how he dealt with Peaches having to leave with the other Autobots. Sideways/OC. T for angst.


Without you

Disclaimer: I do not own the Transformers or the two songs in here. Just my OCs.

"What do you mean they want us to leave?" Peaches asked angrily.

We were in that meeting with everyone else on NEST base and had just heard the news that the Autobots were to leave Earth. "They didn't count me since I'm neutral but still…"

"Unfortunately, Sentinel has asked that you go with him as his prisoner, Sideways." Optimus Prime said. It was in a sad tone of voice but it was still firm.

"Great, what do we do with Abby and Crystal?" Wheeljack asked.

"I guess I could have Ashley take care of them; she's done a good job with it the other times she's had to." Peaches said sadly. She was thinking of Jolt, who was off-lined only a few weeks before; he obviously couldn't keep his promise to me to take care of my family and I needed someone else to do that now that we were being faced with this.

Both of our daughters, one a year old, the other almost at that same age, were sitting on my lap and not understanding what was going on. "No go bye-bye Mommy!" Abby shouted, with tears streaming down her face.

"I'm sorry sweetheart but it's not my decision." Peaches said, not bothering to sugarcoat or caring that our human child didn't understand.

Abby started screaming, Crystal shouted "Bad, bad, bad Tunnel!" and banged her fists.

"Come on you two." I said, taking the former in one hand and the latter under one arm. "And to think Sentinel Jerk thought you were cute before turning on us…"

I excused myself from the meeting and placed a phone call to a familiar cell phone number.

"Hello?"

"Ashley, it's me." I said. "You probably heard-"

"Yes I did hear and it's just stupid that they want all of the Autobots to leave; why would they even think of trusting the 'cons just because some jerk of a Cybertronian made a deal with them?" Ashley shouted over the phone. She then calmed down. "I can take care of Abby."

"I'm going to have to ask you to take care of Crystal too; the official message to us explaining the decision that Earth's leaders made stated she has to stay here since she's too young to understand what's going on." I stated reluctantly. "Sentinel Jerk wants me as his prisoner although I don't know what he plans to do with me. He will let me say goodbye to everyone before Peaches leaves though so that's better than them just leaving and not getting to say what I want to. Please, do this for me? I promise you I'll never use your credit card to buy junk for Peaches again!"

Ashley started laughing a little bit. "I changed my credit card number and good luck with finding it out if you don't keep your word." Her tone of voice then changed to a serious one. "I'm actually about an hour's drive away from the current D.C. NEST base so you won't have to go too far. I can't promise you that things will work out but I can promise you that no matter what happens, you can always remember the good times you've had within the last year."

"And it's been the best darn year of my life." I admitted. "Thanks for the trouble."

"Don't say good bye; you're not leaving until tomorrow. Then we can let you say it." My human friend said over the phone. "See you tomorrow for the last time then."

"See you later." I said sadly as I hung up.

Luckily, Abby and Crystal were now calmed down and practically asleep. I went into the room Peaches and I had been staying in and put them in their cribs, which would be dismantled the next day and put into storage. I sighed, thinking of how Peaches would have to leave them and I behind and whether they would have to grow up not remembering the person who had been the best mother to them in a long time. I then went out into the hallway and walked towards the end of it.

"I know this is hard on you Sideways but it seems to be for the best." Someone said.

I turned and saw that that someone was Optimus Prime. He was walking towards me and then he stopped. "Optimus, with all due respect, Sentinel's the biggest jerk I've ever met and I don't understand why he'd do this! Peach doesn't either and didn't get an answer from him. I'm going to miss her like crazy and I don't even know how she'll handle it if I do go offline not too long after agreeing to be Sentinel Jerk's prisoner." I told him, with a mixture of anger and sadness in my voice.

Optimus had no idea what to say; he did put a hand on one of my shoulders though, and then wrapped me in a hug.

"I'm proud to have known you and Peaches, especially Peaches. She convinced me to change for the better." I admitted, trying to keep tears from rolling down my face. "Because of her, I've had the best and only family I've ever known, a human friend and so many other things I never got as a Decepticon. To be honest though, if I do get killed by Sentinel Prime or Megatron, I'll die knowing that Peaches will be safe with you and that Crystal and Abby will grow up hearing stories from Ashley about 'Mommy and Daddy' and what we wanted for them."

The Autobot leader said in reply "Sideways, you have changed so much and it is hard to believe that a year ago, I would not believe it if I had been told you would be a better mech. I promise you that I will keep Peaches safe no matter what happens tomorrow."

"Thank you sir" I said. I then excused myself to help Peaches pack whatever she needed into subspace. As I walked down the hall, I heard Charlotte Mearing muttering something that sounded like an insult towards Peaches for having adopted Abby to begin with. I told her "Shut up and frag off! You don't know me or my family or how I feel about having to be separated from them!"

She was shocked and didn't say anything as I walked passed her and went into the quarters my family would be in for the last time tonight. Peaches had packed her stuff and had made sure that Abby and Crystal had their things in bags and was just finishing up with that packing. I tossed her a bag of baby wipes since she had forgotten to put that with Abby's things.

"I can't believe it." Peaches sighed sadly as she put what I had tossed her into a diaper bag. "Our last night as a family together and all because of that bastard"

"Peaches, watch it. The girls might be listening." I pointed out.

"Sorry but it's true that that's what he is." She stated, as she sat down on our berth with both of our toddlers on her lap. "I'm not saying goodbye until tomorrow."

"Neither am I." I declared. "Even after that, I'll be reminded of you every time I hear an advertisement for a Disney movie or whenever I see something you like. It won't be the same though since you won't be there."

"Sideways, remember what Christopher Robin said to Winnie the Pooh: 'even if we're apart I'll always be with you'". The orange and red femme I called my sparkmate said in an attempt to comfort me.

I went over and gave her and our daughters a hug; I didn't want to let go but knew that eventually I would have to…

The next day came. I transformed into vehicle mode and Peaches put the bags of Abby's and Crystal's things in the trunk and put them both in the back seat. She got into the driver's seat and put her seatbelt on; of course, I would be driving but she was going to pretend that she was to avoid too much suspicion. We drove first to Ashley's home; Crystal said "No go Mommy" as Peaches was taking her out while Ashley got Abby and the car seat out of the back.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine." Peaches said, not sure of how to tell her that we would not see them again.

"I'll keep them busy." Our human friend assured us.

I transformed into robot mode and we hugged both our human toddler and Cybertronian sparkling. I then transformed back into my alternate form and Peaches got back in the front seat. We drove away after saying goodbye to our daughters and our best friend. We were now going in a different direction, towards the shuttle that would take the Autobots away from Earth to who knew where.

Peaches got out then we both transformed into our robot modes.

"What did you do with that Pepsi can that you didn't toss into that recycling bin at the last rest area we went to?" I asked out of curiosity.

"I rinsed it out and decided to keep it in subspace so that I can always be reminded of the planet I've called home my whole life whenever I look at it. It's also a reminder that no matter where I am or what happens, some things will never change. Those include the taste of that drink, my favorite TV shows and movies and how much I love everyone I call my family" She said in an attempt to make the situation seem better than it was.

I had no words to describe how comforting that was. I just gave her a hug, then she went to say goodbye to Sam since she wanted to say goodbye to him first and "save the best for last" so to speak.

Optimus Prime came over to me. "Sentinel's actions will not go unpunished." He stated in an attempt to console me.

I didn't believe it at the time but felt slightly better after he said that. "Optimus, it's been an honor knowing you and everyone else who has been on the NEST team. Thanks to all of you, I've had the best year of my life and I would never trade it for anything else even though it was short." I paused not sure of what else to say. "I don't know if everything's going to work out but at least I know that whatever suffering I do under my ex-teammates, I will do so for everything that Peaches believes in; family, friends, love, and especially the humans who aren't against you, like Ashley."

"You are very brave to do such a thing. Whatever happens will not be in vain no matter how horrible it gets." The Autobot leader assured me. "Farewell, my friend."

"Farewell, Optimus Prime." I let tears fall down my face while Optimus went to talk to Sam before his team left.

Peaches came back over to me and started singing a song that made me want to cry even more if that were possible

**If I never knew you, if I never felt this love**

**I would have no inkling of how precious life can be**

**And if I never held you, I would never have a clue**

**How at last I'd find in you the missing part of me**

**In this world so full of hate, full of rage and lies**

**I can see the truth so clear, in your eyes**

**So dry your eyes**

**And I'm so grateful to you**

**I've have lived my whole life through lost forever**

**If I never knew you**

I listened to her singing the rest of the song, and joined in with her near the last part of it, then gave her a hug. "I can't believe you have to leave already." I said as she and I both sobbed on each other's shoulders.

'"I'll always be with you' Sideways. I'll always love you no matter where we are or what happens to us." She replied. "Goodbye my love."

"Goodbye, my beautiful girl. Nobody has anything on you." I stated, referring to my other favorite Bruno Mars song besides "Just the Way You Are".

We finally pulled away from each other, very reluctantly, after giving each other a goodbye kiss. I quickly said goodbye to the other Autobots then transformed into vehicle mode and turned away so that I would not have to see the ship lifting off. I then started driving away, and soon found myself in the company of Barricade, my fellow ex-teammate who had also lived with the Autobots for quite some time.

"Listen, Prime ordered me to be a double agent so that Megatron would think I was working for him again so I've got to escort you to Chicago, much as I don't want to." Barricade stated as we drove along the road.

"Are you jealous that you don't have a femme to say goodbye to?" I asked, trying not to let the emotion I was feeling come out in what I was saying.

"No!" he replied almost angrily, and then calmed down. "Actually, yes I am. I did give a few compliments to Peaches though while you were talking with Prime."

"What did you tell her?" I inquired.

"I told her that you were extremely lucky to have a femme like her, that I actually did respect her once she started to be stronger emotionally, and that I gave her relationship with you a blessing since I was the only one who still didn't approve of it after you both had an Earth year together." Barricade sighed sadly and then continued. "I couldn't promise her that you would be fine but she did act surprised when I gave her those compliments."

"Thanks for doing that." I said, trying not to think of what Sentinel or Megatron would want to do to me.

"You're welcome." He replied.

It took hours to get to Chicago but to me it seemed to be longer. I transformed into robot mode and let Soundwave put me in chains. I was then put under Sentinel Prime's watch.

The red ex-Autobot began taunting me about the shuttle having been blown up and that everyone on board was probably killed but I didn't feel the pain that would come with the realization that my sparkmate was offline. Peaches still had to be out there somewhere, I thought.

"Are you even listening to me!" Sentinel shouted.

"What does it matter?" I replied angrily. "I'm already broken and you can't do any worse damage than what's already been done to me."

I looked up at the blue sky. I felt it ironic that here it was a nice day when a terrible plot was happening right then and there and yet I felt that was a sign of hope. Optimus Prime had to have had an alternate plan and he certainly was keeping his promise of ensuring Peaches' safety since I knew she wasn't offline. The worst hadn't happened just yet even though I was still without her. When Sentinel went off to talk to Megatron, I started playing a song on the human Internet and singing along, replacing "baby" with the name of my sparkmate. "**I'm here without you Peaches and you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you Peaches and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you Peaches but you're still with me in my dreams…"**

Right now, I am being left in silence since Megatron has probably figured out that this is the worst torture he can let me go through. These chains can't hold the love I still feel for that orange and red femme who was my first and only love. The one who dated me in secret, the one who I bonded with, the one I had been raising two very different daughters with. The femme who got me to like just a few Disney movies and watch them with her when we had the time to do that particular activity, which was usually on weekends.

If I could kill Sentinel for you right now, I would but all I can do is remember everything we were and will still be no matter what. I'll remember you and as Christopher Robin said to Pooh Bear "I'll always be with you" if not physically, then in spirit. There is nothing I can say or do to change what's already been done to us and those we call our family but I know you'll understand that.

This entry in my personal log is dedicated to you, my love. I miss you Peaches but I know that you're still online. If I don't see you again, I'll know that I didn't waste any day of the past year that I've been part of your family. Like that can of Pepsi, those memories I have of you will always stay the same.

Author's note: Yeah, I wanted to write this since I have writer's block on my other stories. It's kind of cheesy and clichéd but I don't care.


End file.
